my head is all stuffy, my nose is leaking like a goddamn faucet and i'm partially deaf, but all is good in life. i just had some weird chocolate covered thingy - anything chocolate covered is always good - and now i think i'm ready to throw my arms around someone. but then again, that may just be the medicine talking. i don't plan on making much sense in this entry because i am clearly drowsy from the meds and yet oddly high from chocolate overdose. i love being sick. being sick gives me permission to get high. i can almost hear all the stupid little viruses telling me that it's okay to consume large doses of pills, down endless cups of hot chocolate and gorge on chocolate covered thingies because there is nothing wrong with turning this pathetic sickness into a psychedelic roller-coaster ride.

i love it when my brain spins. it's spinning like a freaky bloody top and now i can barely construct proper sentences. but who the hell cares if my sentences make sense or are grammatically correct. all that matters is that in this moment, i don't feel as sick as i did this morning. sure, my skin may be sizzling (i think i can grill a steak on my forehead) and my body may be aching as if i've just ran a million miles, but somehow whatever i'm supposed to be feeling just isn't registering as strongly as it should. it's like i'm watching someone else far far far far far away get consumed by sickness and i'm just over there far far far far far away pitying that poor loser and trying to imagine how it feels. did that make sense? whatever. all i know is that i am happy...relatively happy.

onto something else before people begin thinking i'm a druggie - being considered a lush is bad enough. so today (technically yesterday since it's past 12am), instead of finishing my filipino paper or starting on my journal for histciv, i spent hours comparing TakenByCars to Bloc Party and now i think i'm a Bloc Party convert. okay, i've heard about them ages ago. my brother's a huge ass fan but i just never bothered to give them a proper listen just because they weren't heavy enough for me. i once thought: no growling, no heavy guitar riffs, no sick double-peds...why bother? but weirdly enough, i now have musician's jealousy. they are 'effing good. their music makes me feel all sort of emotions all at the same time. i love them even more now because i think they wrote a song especially for me. again, i have no shame. seriously, This Modern Love, is my song. reading the lyrics made me want to just die of happiness because a band has managed to encapsulate everything i've been feeling this past few months (or year, depending how you look at it) into a song. my brother should have shoved Bloc Party into my ear sooner, then perhaps i wouldn't be this lost.

i think i'll write a bloc party inspired song soon (guitar wise anyways, i can't imagine singing like Kele Okereke - yes i googled the band to get his name). my effect pedal needs to be toyed with, it's getting sick of always having to distort.

gah am i turning light all of a sudden? i don't think so. killswitch engage is still love, as i lay dying will always be mine, thrice and i are still married, fightstar is pleasure, and underoath still remains my lover. i just think it's great to listen to other genres. hardcore shit can get heavy on the ears. it's nice to feel floaty once in awhile. it's funny when people realize that i actually tolerate Hannah Montana, Hilary Duff and all the other pop-bop-be-du-dop shit on radio. mainstream poppy shit is brainless music and i guess that is what lures me to it. i can just listen to it, sing along to the cliched lyrics and feel oddly happy (and brainless).

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