i know i still have more than a week before i leave, but i cannot help but worry every single night about my impending one month return to Singapore. don't get me wrong, i am excited to see all my friends again and bask in the wonderful local cuisine (i'll probably gain a million pounds from all the food i plan to consume); but i just hate that this trip will be loads different from the last trip i made back in 2006. this time i won't be staying at some fancy-pansy hotel where i can easily get my clothes laundered, my room cleaned, and be served breakfast every morning; but instead will be bunking in with dazzle in a Kallang HDB unit she shares with two other people (only one of whom i've met briefly at a gig) where i have to do my own laundry, cook my own food and clean up after myself.

i am so not ready for independence.
i am also not ready to return to a country i can no longer call home.

it just sucks knowing i can never return to the life i once had but instead will be experiencing Singapore from a whole new perspective - a tourist's perspective. you see, when i supposedly "go-home" i won't be "going-home" to my family's condominium unit in Yio Chu Kang (we don't have one there anymore) but instead will be staying in a relatively foreign neighborhood (what's there to do in Kallang?) where i am sure i'll be spending a few days (or even the whole length of my stay) frustrated by all the changes that has happened while i was away.

i hate change.

i hate it even more that i have to leave just when things are starting to get good. seriously, if i had known how interesting things could become, i wouldn't have planned a month long trip. it's not fun to be away for too long.