it really is too soon for a new entry but i think i'm depressed. i'm such a drama-mama. i'm dai-yu (from Dream of the Red Chamber) - i go through psychotic bouts of depression. but the truth is, i'm just being selfish. i really cannot expect anyone to pine for me. i just didn't think he'd move on so easily and i didn't realize that it was going to be this hard to remain friends because after all we do have a history and it's not easy watching him fall for another. i'm in shock, that's all.

but despite everything, i think i still love him (something he's oblivious or clearly places little meaning to) but he's just someone i cannot be with for reasons which i shall not disclose. why can't he understand that it's just too painful for me to be even near him, let alone interact with him as if there had been nothing between us. i just can't do this with him. i can't be his friend and watch him hold another. i guess to a certain extent, i thought he was the one but he isn't so i should just shut up.

i'm just being a selfish bitch. forget it.

i hate loving, it does nothing but annoy me.