In Honor of Spatial Silence
i stay up all night with the stars and sleep with sunlit clouds cascading down my back.




Saturday, October 6, 2007
show me that i'm fighting for something


meet spike the snail. isn't he just the most precious thing ever? (yes, that's my hand)
love him. kiss him. hug him. miss him.

i just got home from greenbelt. i think i ate too much. movie marathons attracts gluttony. me chubby. but whatever, i think a little extra flab will do me good. lollipops and candy floss for robin and wobs for accompanying me to get my ice-cream fix which resulted in us going home only at 1am. heh. i think i'm losing my voice.

so i was asked a question on what's my criteria for knowing when a guy has a crush on me. silly question. i don't think anyone can really predict whether someone has a crush on them. i usually misinterpret stuff so i've decided not to bother with wondering about such stuff. they can crush on me all they want because after all everyone crushes me. haha.

as they rambled on about crushes and silly end-of-the-world scenarios, i started wondering if there would ever come a time when i would seriously be crazy enough to make a complete fool of myself and tell him how i feel. i doubt i ever would. i never do anyways. it's easy to tell someone else to declare their desire for another but it's a whole different thing when it comes to applying your own advice. i did tell someone once though, and it only resulted in him getting all weirded out and...i shall not say.

it's just not easy to put yourself out there. i rather remain content and in the moment where every stupid thing he does or says makes you all giddy-happy than have everything shatter due to rejection [i probably can describe this better but my brain is asleep]. i think i'm perfectly happy in my own make-believe world where i can pretend that he likes me back too. crushes are weird and hardly do they develop into anything more, so what is the point? i'm just too shy for my own good. it's even weirder/harder when you see him almost everyday. school-mate crushes are odd.

but whatever, i'm just not the type of girl guys normally crush over. i'm the you-are-such-a-wonderful-girl-friend-that-sometimes-i-mistake-you-for-one-of-the-guys type of girl. i'm okay with that because i actually enjoy the company of guys more than the company of girls, but at times having them forget that you don't have a penis can be quite annoying.

besides, when you know that he likes someone else, isn't it a sign that you should just leave him alone?

robin said i should stop being shy and tell my former crushes that i used to like them. therefore, here is a list. if your name is there, i used to like you. i'll just list whoever i can remember.
1) mah zhen yang
2) blue hair guy (i forgot your name! haha)
3) bryan
4) guy in class
5) guy in another class
6) this list is silly

so there, i said it. good for me.
now if only i can tell him...

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i now leave you with pictures from lasaret.

part of the '05 literature block

5 years from now we'll meet and dance in circles

the sign above says:
Lost Boy Ned and L'rture Majors
suicidal-pagan Lystra, quintessential-bunny Frans, growing-boy Wobs,
medieval-homo Anthony, sensually-titillating Justin, thinker-bell Robin;
for truth, love, and beauty; for God, country, Spike the snail, Oscar the octopus
and Waldo the pussy.
"it it finished in Beauty." - Navajo

that was for our funny little time-capsule. 5 years from now, i think i'll still find that motto funny and probably will miss spike the snail even more as we open our time-capsule - if we even bother to.

time for bed now.


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4:40 PM