he really isn't a moron. he's probably one of the best things that happened to me. he made my transition to the philippines a lot easier and taught me that running blindly across the street will just get me killed. he dragged me onto jeepneys and stuffed my face with road-side food (which made me sick - i got food poisoning soon after). he made me feel every emotion possible and most of all he understood how much i missed my friends back home and would hug me whenever i got moody and homesick. how can i hate someone like that? how could i have allowed myself to get so low and treat him as if he had bashed my head against the wall everyday. he never touched me, he never could.

he just doesn't love me anymore and i should just accept that. it isn't because he's a moron or a jerk or whatever...it's because sometimes feelings just fade. besides, deep down i know we never would have gone to the point of marriage. my parents abhor him and we both want different things in life. i want to marry a chef so i can eat good food everyday and he can't cook to save his life. heh. see, different. i make myself laugh.

so i guess i am learning to accept that i'll be okay without him. some days it's hard because i've gotten accustomed to his presence. he's familiar and i crave familiarity. but do i crave his presence because i still love him? i don't think so. i don't love him in the manner that i used to. i love him like how i would love a friend. we always talked about the different levels of love and what i feel for him is nothing romantic.

it sure took me a long time to get over him.

i did read this horoscope thingy though. it said...

i once had a spider for a pet though. i was probably 8 years old when my brother and i found this teeny-tiny spider in our backyard. i'm can't remember which one of us picked it up but eventually it found itself in this plastic box. we named it webster - after the webster english dictionary. it died though. daddy killed it. he was placing leaves and stuff into the box when webster attempted to escape and daddy shut the box real fast which resulted in webster being squashed in half. i don't blame my dad for webster's death. it's stupid webster's fault. if only he hadn't tried to escape.

i also once kept ants in this antfarm i begged my parents that i absolutely had to have. i was lazy to use the whole sugar syrup method in capturing them so i proceeded to squat beside this ant-hole (or whatever you call it) at our drive way and gently squashed the ants and threw them in the antfarm. i managed to capture quite a a few of them but they died soon after. i really shouldn't have squashed them.

i also kept mealworms until i figured out that they turned into ugly black beetles. i think it was in primary 3 when we were somehow studying them for science and at the end of the lesson my teacher asked who wanted to keep some of the worms and my friends and i all raised our hands. surprisingly, it was the girls who scrambled forward first and my teacher started scooping the worms onto our hands. we were such freaks. anyways, i remember bringing the worms to school everyday because i didn't trust my mom - she might throw them away. my friends and i would then proceed to race our worms during recess. mine won most of the time. i forgot the name of my favorite worm though. pity. he was adorable too, until i woke up one day and found all my worms missing. i blame my brother's friend. he was sleeping right next to the worms. he probably ate them. heh. if you don't know how a mealworm looks like, here's a picture...

aren't they sexy?

all my weird pets either die or run away. even when i had a hamster - which i think is a relatively normal pet - it HAD to run away. stupid chubby (my hamster was named chubby). i'm just not good with pets. see, even spike the snail ran out on me! i now have abandonment issues.