watched cine europa with the ex earlier, and it probably isn't an experience i want to repeat. i still can't understand why i keep shoving myself into into his life when i'm clearly not wanted. i thought hanging out as friends would be fun, it really wasn't. it was awkward. conversation was dead, we kept getting annoyed at every little thing, he didn't find me funny anymore, we could barely walk beside each other...it just wasn't like how it was before. shangri-la used to be our place, it's where we've had most of our dates and we even have our favorite corner tucked somewhere near the art galleries, i guess i shouldn't have expected anything. what we had before died when we ended. two words, that's all it took to end a friendship. sure, we still regard each other as friends but the best friend i once saw in him is now gone. which makes me sad.

it's funny how you can spend two years of your life calling him your best friend/darling (or whatever silly names we came up with) and now, despite everything you both have promised, can barely look each in the eye.

'The Leap' was a lovely movie though, that saved me from completely tagging this day as a waste. also finally bothered to purchase 'The Road' (the novel needed for my fiction writing class) and so far it's good.

"you forget what you want to remember and remember what you want to forget."

- The Road

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the party on friday was interesting. i didn't trip, so that's good. i now have blisters on my feet due to the stupid heels, so that's bad. the food was yum, which is always good, and the place was pretty , all those lights and plants (my descriptive skills has went to bed, thus the telling rather than the showing heh) and the chef...i heart the chef. whenever he would walk past i'd go, "Yes Chef, right away chef," ala Hell's Kitchen. i probably annoyed him a great deal and if the food hadn't already been served, i'm sure he would have spit on mine. but whatever, i had fun.

i didn't really enjoy the whole ballroom dancing bit though, especially getting dragged by mom to dance with my cousin who eventually passed me to the dance instructor who swirled me around like a fool and made me cha-cha-cha to the worst re-mix tape in the world. my feet ached after one song and still he wouldn't let me sit. all my brother did, while i was being held against my will, was laugh and point in the most evilest manner his demureness would allow. wonderful. he's lucky he's huge, if he wasn't mom would have probably yanked him up his seat like she did to me.

and this is the only decent picture my brother took all night. i always look uncomfortable in a dress. which is the truth. i had to keep pulling the dress up all night for fear of exposing myself to a hall filled with un-remembered relatives.