the boy-cut i had when i first entered the land of the green wasn't my idea. i had gone to the salon to get a trim and found my stylist missing, but since i was in such a rush, i decided to just get it cut by the one person who was available - the barber. i told him to to trim my then shoulder-length hair and style it by making it spiky at the back. when i said style, i had hair-wax in mind and not scissors. he clearly misunderstood me and went scissor happy. when i looked up, my hair was too short, the back felt almost bald, and basically i looked like a boy (he was a barber after all, they make everyone look like boys).

i seriously felt like taking that damn barber's scissors and plunging it deep in his throat, and the counter lady who kept gushing about my pretty hair should also be stabbed. liar liar pants on fire. you do not tell me that i look beautiful when i clearly look like a butch. i think i would have cried had it not been for my then boyfriend (now ex-bf) who held my hand and told me that hair grows back - it did, and now look at my long messy hair.

just thinking about this makes me want to set that place on fire.

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while i enjoy being pursued by guys (it's flattering), i do not however enjoy being bombarded with stupid text messages that have no substance whatsoever. why can't a decent guy ever like me? why must i always get the weird-horny-uneducated-mofos who have nothing better to do but constantly inquire about my sex life in the most crudest way possible. i consider myself pretty liberal, but i will never entertain such questions, i'm much too educated for that. some people find it weird that i don't watch porn, but i take great pride in my ability to find it pointless (maybe because the porn a friend of mine tricked me into watching almost made me puke my kfc). so since i don't see the point in porn, i thus don't see the point in discussing porny topics that disgust me. why do guys have to be so crude and make sex seem so disgusting. to think that he has the nerve to ask me out. eww to the 25+ year old jobless-uneducated mofo who dresses and thinks like a 15 year old. when i stopped replying to him, he sent a barrage of messages (in horrible english) that pointed out how we're both adults and thus shouldn't be shy to talk about such stuff, followed by another wave of horn-drenched messages. first of all, i am not a sex phone/text-line. second, i will never ever in my lifetime ever have sex with you. lastly, grow up you fool. if you really are an adult, you'd show the respect that a girl deserves and not treat her like some brainless twit whose only purpose on earth is to satisfy your sexual cravings. i feel all icky now, makes me want to rub my skin raw. jerk.

guys who hit on me during gigs are all fools. i need to meet decent guys. i think i'm over the whole drugged-up musician phase. maybe it's because the scene kids here are horny weed addicts (i'm generalizing here because all the guys that ever hit on me ARE horny weed additcs - makes me wonder why). i feel like leaving the scene for good. i'm happy staying stuck in my room pretending to be a tortured writer.

...and what the hell is a kulangot and why do you eat it? isn't that booger?