it's the last week of school before summer break and i am drowning in school work while at the same time worrying about the high probability of me flunking PE (yes, i'm a loser that way). that coupled with the drama going on at home (i am carrying more shit that i should be) has me stuffing my face full of food, alcohol and cigarettes in order to combat my school-shit anxiety and the feeling of being over-burdened with crap that i shouldn't be dealing with in the first place. i'm such a healthy child. apparently i've learned nothing about the harmful effects of excessive alcohol intake and chain-smoking despite being in the science stream in high school. my 2 years of studying pure-biology has gone to waste. oh wells.

if i didn't love my mom this much, i probably would be going crazy right about now. it's really not fair to have to be the one stuck in the middle of the parentals because not only is it starting to affect my grades (i have been doing nothing but missing deadlines, skipping school, and not bothering to exert the necessary effort required in my school work "hello, Piang paper i think you suck") but it has also wreaked havoc on my liver and lungs. never have i drank or smoked this much in a million years. the time i would usually spend on my school work is now spent gallivanting around taft's many watering holes with the boys and getting so damn wasted that i can barely keep my eyes open during 4am cab rides home.

i now wave goodbye to my dean's list status and my hope of graduating cum-laude. seriously, i won't be surprised if i fail a subject this term. sigh. there's a first time for everything i guess.

i really suck at handling life-altering events. every life-altering event i've gone through has me chasing down the numbness alcohol brings. me and my stupid usage of alcohol as an escape. if i'm not careful i fear i may end up institutionalized further down the road. i'm a mess and messes should be cleaned up.

here i go again with another pathetically sad entry. i need to learn how to blog giddy.
i should think happy thoughts - like think of jason castro and joel mchale.