i've missed my humor. i think after having gone through weeks of emotional hell - where it incapacitated my ability to find hilarity in the minutest of things - it made me realize how boring, stressful and, not forgetting, drama-filled life can get without it. humor is such a wonderful virtue. i think without it, i would probably have killed myself long ago, or at least be downing bottles of meds just to get through life here.
(i exaggerate, i will never kill myself or be a drug addict. i just say stuff like that because anthony equates me with suicidal tendencies.)

anyway, as much as i may say that i've gotten used to living in the Philippines, i don't think i really have. i've simply been dealing with it rather than trying to assimilate myself. home is such a relative term. the Philippines is home to my parents, they grew up here, they have their childhood homes where they've made memories, and the friends they've known since they were in diapers; and when we moved here, they were coming home while my siblings and i were leaving ours.

gah! stupid thesis, you're bleeding into the sanctity of my blog.
digressing to something less thesis-y (i know that's not a word).

not many know this, but i like to consider myself a published artist (i have no shame). sure, it was all a fluke and if my brother wasn't so old he probably would be the published one; but despite that, i still can't help but be proud of that tiny achievement in my pathetic little life. you see, among my family and friends, i will never be known as the one with the outstanding art skills. give me a pen and paper and tell me to draw and i would produce for you a strew of randomly shaded stick people. i also once drew a cow only to have a friend of mine ask if i drew a turtle. that's how horrendous my art skills are.

seriously, if you want anything artistically done, i should be the last person you think of. i can't draw to save my life - everyone has told me so. an ex-boyfriend once said my drawings were like that of a 5 year-old and while it used to annoy the hell out of me, in retrospect, he was right. my art skills did stop developing after the age of 5 and i blame the Manila Central Post-Office and my brother's jealousy towards me.

this is a long story and it's getting late, so let's just say that if i hadn't designed a limited edition Christmas stamp when i was 5 and gotten all that attention by my parents and the media (i had a stupid picture of myself in the paper), then my brother would never have relentlessly teased me about my 3-legged human figures and i would never have given up art; then maybe, just maybe, i would be some hot-shot artsy-fartsy artist now instead of being artistically challenged.

but no, i'm not bitter.
to see my rubbish stamp, click here and here.

and even though i think that stamp collecting is really such a pathetically boring hobby, it still amuses me to no end to think that people have collected my stamp and stuck it in whatever lame stamp book they own.


yes, i blogged instead of starting on my thesis; and even though the draft for the damn thing is due on thursday, the only thing i've written on my supposed 15-page thesis proposal is my name and my id number. i am so proud of myself. laziness and its side effect, procrastination, is the sweetest thing about me. wonderful. there's bound to be numerous job offers awaiting me after graduation.

tsk. i have a serious blog addiction. the time i spent thinking and typing this entry out could have been better spent writing my damn essay on Exile, Third-Culture Kids and the Alluring Concept of Home to be explored in 'Painting Murals: A Novel' (that's not really the title, i just made it up). but then again, where's the fun in that?

sorry if i can't seem to shut up about my stupid thesis. shit. it's almost 5am. yay for insomnia.
hello eyebags and black rings around the eyes, thank you for making me look 'oh-so-pretty'.