as i was preparing for a date the other day, i realized that i am not indebted to anyone's feelings and therefore should feel no guilt if i have to turn down a boy (or in my current situation, various boys). i would once feel so guilt-ridden whenever i would have to reject someone and would usually refrain from doing so with the pathetic reason - other than the fact that i personally know how badly rejection hurts and have no wish to partake in the giving of such pain - that i didn't want to lose a friend (i hate it the most when a friend would profess his fancy); but as i was lathering up in the shower pre-date, it dawned on me that not every single person in this wretched world will be, and remain, my friend and thus i should just get over myself and accept that i don't need a million friends.

besides, i never asked for any of them to fancy me; and while i may have, in the past, once entertained every love-sick boy that professed his adoration for me simply because i was trying out the whole let-me-date-a-million-boys-and-see-where-that-takes-me, i guess that i have also realized that i am just not built to handle dating a handful of boys at a time. i'm best suited to be a serial monogamist. i am most happy with a single boy irritating my life rather than a bunch of boys i can't keep track of. besides, i'm the worst dater in the world. i frankly don't understand the concept of dating. usually, i just meet a boy, we hangout a couple of times, realize we both fancy each other, and poof we're a couple. i don't get the whole idea of dating a bunch of boys at once and then picking through the mess for a boyfriend. too much trouble.

so point is, i'm glad i've gotten rid of the weeds in my dating life.
i've finally learned to say no and not feel bad about doing so.

...and since my friends are all giving the boys they're currently dating sickeningly lovey nicknames on their blogs, i will be a sheep and follow them:

so the darling-honeybunny-sweetheart-baby (goosebumps! but no, i do not seriously call him - or anyone - that) brought me to Max Brenner's (yes, we have that in the Philippines) where the bowl of the Italian thick something something (i forgot the name) that i ordered for dessert ended up looking like the inside of a dirty toiletbowl^click when i was done with it while the little pots of his white chocolate sukao remained adorable^click. utter fail.


eurgh. apparently, when i am done with annoyingly-difficult-stress-inducing major literature subjects and left with boring minor subjects such as Statistics101 and Religion, my life returns to this state of dwelling in all things lovey-dovey. i miss blogging like this^click - blog posts that were borne out of the love-hate thing i once had with my literature classes. sigh. i miss pretending to have read a novel a week and writing endless critical papers on said un-read novels.

if i had known how badly i would fall in love with my literature subjects, i would probably have finished all my senseless minor subjects in my first year just so i could graduate with my love for literature still heavily ingrained in my memory. now i fear that upon graduation, all i'd remember from my little stint in college is the psychotically freezing swimming pool at 830 in the morning (i'm taking swimming for my PE this term). pathetic.