there is this problem i have whenever i get too comfortable with people here. it's nothing drastically embarrassing though - like feeling the need to let loose a toxic fart or disgustingly burp the alphabet (though my brother knows i'm rather talented with both) - but sometimes, this thing i have just makes things awkward. not in the traditional way awkward is supposed to be but it's more like the should-i-even-bother-explaining-things-to-you-but-even-if-do-you-won't-get-it-anyway awkward. you know the scenario: you say or do something innately towards another person and the person goes..."WTF was that?" and you go..."ummm...nevermind." i guess it's something i've had to deal with considering that many of my friends here don't really get a certain part of me - that part that spent almost 14 years in Singapore.

you see, whenever i get too close to someone or start feeling like a bunch of comfy cotton balls with him/her/them, the Singaporean-tongue in me begins to show. it's not that i ever excessively spoke in Singlish^click when i was still in Singapore - in fact my mother claims that my accent and choice of vocabulary is barely what people would consider Singaporean (nor Filipino) - but that doesn't mean that i was immune to the usual Singlish^click terms because i vividly remember littering random conversations with phrases such as "arbor then"/"then hor..."/"i go there lah"/"really meh?"/"kenasai"/"kaopeh kaobu"/"so boh liao lor"...etc.

i know it may seem rather barbaric next to the english language i so worship, but i thoroughly enjoyed speaking in such a manner and i'm guessing so does my brain - thus explaining my random outbursts of Singlish^click. however, using such phrases in the Philippines is just plain weird. for example:

scenario 1
friend: wait, he said that? [i forgot what the topic of conversation was]
me: i guess...
friend: you sure?
me: what sia, you don't believe me, you go ask him lah!
friend: i ask him what?
me: never mind.

scenario 2
me: my driver's here, so kan cheong.
friend: kan cheong?
me: ya, kan cheong spider.
friend: huh?
me: never mind.

utter fail. it's not that i don't wish to explain the Singlish^click escaping from my mouth; but i guess most of the time i feel as if others won't really get what i'm saying anyway so i don't see why i should bother wasting my time, energy, and saliva explaining why the term "kan cheong spider" cracks me up or why random outbursts of lah/lor/hor peppers my speech. it's much more easier to just say "never mind" and then consciously remind myself to instead pepper my speech with Taglish^click fixtures such as diba/parang/oonga/baliw/ehhh/hay nako...etc

oh wells. i can't wait for this term to end so i can spend the first quarter of next year in Singapore. i'd miss my friends here in Philippines but i think nothing beats the friends back home - friends i've known for more almost 10 years.

i'll see you all soon my loves.