the air has changed. it's cold, jacket friendly and finally starting to feel a lot more like Christmas; and while i am a huge sucker for this time of the year, this year's different - first Christmas without the father. i know, here i go again blogging about my pathetic daddy issues. seriously though, when you've spent 21 years of your life spending the most important family holiday with the father drowning you with presents and food and hugs and kisses, it's bound to affect you when he disappears and takes back his promise of coming home on the 24th. to think that i was actually looking forward to his arrival - not for the presents, food, hugs or kisses, but for his presence at the dinner table as the family gorges on the usual Christmas Eve dinner spread. i think i will miss his annoying attempts of trying to sneak sips from my wine filled glass when he knows full well that alcohol will just kill him.

whatever. at least i have a slew of things to look forward to this month: like my friend's gig/party later (which i am hoping will be as epic as my drinking binge last year ^(click)) and the chocolate buffet ^(click) at The Peninsula Manila with the family on boxing day. yay!

but before i make it seem as if this Christmas will be all about me drowning in alcohol and stuffing my face fat with designer chocolate as i whine over the absence of the father, i should let you know that - aside from parties, my desire to get dead drunk wasted this holiday season and chocolate death - i am also re-embracing my Martha Stewart-ness by holing myself up in the kitchen to bake Christmas goodies to give away to all my loves. this may seem silly, but whenever i'm baking, i kinda imagine myself as that tattooed baker chick from 'Stranger than Fiction' - with her yummy batches of chocolate chip cookies being all chummy chummy with Will Ferrell. while i have no intention whatsoever of humping Will Ferrell (the daydream stops at the tattoos and chocolate chip cookies) i really would love to have colorful tattoos on my arms and bake for nice alternative people while screaming at the IRS; but since i'm not big on cookies and my tattoo, while colorful, is left to hide somewhere on my back, my loves will just have to put up with plain'ol me and my fudge brownies.

so there, if i see you this month, that means you get a bunch of brownies and a hug from me.
to those i won't get to see....umm just pretend.

happy holidays bitches! i'm relatively happy this year, don't fucking spoil it.
(yes i know, i should stop saying 'fuck')